Ripped Seams…

I start to get better, I start to not flinch every time I see that model car drive past. I start to not ache when I hear the songs we used to play for each other.  I start to appreciate the fact that you and your new sub are happy.  I accept that you have moved on and found new joy…. then a single act throws everything out of whack!  A single new song sounds like it is written by you, or a single missed phone call brings your name back into my sights.  And the crazy part is,  it is probably all in my head. It is probably an accident. I was told that you moved on and even though it hurt I knew it was what was right and best for everyone.  I knew that she could do what I couldn’t do.  She could wait.  And I hope that she treats those precious kids like they are gold, or if she won’t I pray you save them the heartache.  I hope that your family is more forgiving to her than they were to me.  I pray that you are happy,  cause I obviously couldn’t fill that void.  If I had truly made you happy,  you wouldn’t have given me a reason to walk away.  I am just ranting cause these feelings can’t be bottled.  I am happy,  truly happy.  I am able to be an open book and not have to hide anything from anyone. I hate having to keep my life secret,  I hate having tension in my family and now I don’t. 
The only secrets that I keep are the ones of our past.  The ones that make me miss you.  The ones that are too deep and dark to share.  when I walked away it was because there was no question that we were done. There was no trust and without trust there is no love.  Especially in the type of relationship we wanted to build.  “I am not made of stone” though, and there will still be pain.  It will still hurt and I will still wonder why I wasn’t good enough for you to just be honest with me, however, life is better this way. I wish you all the happiness, and I know you probably never spare me a thought. I am working on doing the same….

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