Missing What You Despise

It is hard to explain to someone who has never been there,  but there are times that I miss the things/people that I despise.  There are times that I wonder if I had just held on could I have changed them.  Then I see posts like this

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And I feel like a fraud.  I truly did love my old Dom.  I fought tooth and nail to be with him,  but I could only take so much.  So I let him go.  That was a hard decision, I knew I was giving up the dreams we had created together, but u also knew that he hadn’t kept a single promise to me either.  He lied at every turn,  after we broke up I found out that he was 36 not 28. So don’t get me wrong I fought,  of that there is no doubt.  It is just trying to come to terms with the fact that there is only so much that you can take before you have to let you go.  You can’t keep holding on to every word,  every promise,  isolating yourself for someone who can’t make time for you. So I miss our good times,  and the laughs we shared, I miss seeing our kids smile together and play, I loved showing him how good life could be.  That does not mean that I want to be back with him and go through all the heartaches again.  That does not mean that I will break myself to fix him.  I have found my “one day.” The one who builds me up instead of tearing me down.  The one who fights for me and defends me, and I know I don’t deserve him but I will try my damnedest to be good enough for him, because he tries to be the best version of himself for me.

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So in a way you win,  cause you introduced me into this lifestyle,  so you will always be forever etched into my life.  You opened up something everyone else had been to scared to touch before, so thank you for that.

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